


Failed to Words

by TheItalianScribe (TheIcyMage)



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Heads up that Jared makes kinda nsfw jokes, and only vague references to them, but not really, he talks about shake weights, shake weights, that's the worst it gets, they are things that seem sexual in nature
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-15
Updated: 2017-10-15
Packaged: 2019-01-17 22:52:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12375804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheIcyMage/pseuds/TheItalianScribe
Summary: Summary: Two points in which Evan didn't notice what he said was off until he gets caught saying them.(Based on things I've actually said and regretted.)





	Failed to Words

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mthevlamister](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mthevlamister/gifts).



> Gifting this to Lami because this BMC fic made my day: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12363861

Evan was 10 years old and in charge of feeding wet food to the cat. He liked to strike up conversation with the cat, no matter if it did or did not talk back.  
“Crookshanks,” Evan asked his cat. She was an orange tabby that his dad had adopted from the backyard while Mom was out. “Are you hungry?”  
The cat dutifully meowed in response. Evan wondered if the cat understood the words or would meow back to whatever he said.  
“You want num-num?” He tested.  
Crookshanks meowed back. Good. So she responded to the word she knew meant food. Time to get creative.  
“Are you high?” He asked. He got a short, “eeah.”  
“Are you smoking...beer?”  
The cat didn't grace his question with any noise. However, his words did yield a nasally chortle.  
“Who's 'smoking beer'? You?”  
“Jared, be nice.” Evan's mom called from the doorway to the kitchen area.  
“But did you hear what your son said?”  
“Yes,” Heidi was trying to cover her laugh, “And I'm sure he had a very valid reason for saying it.  
“I was..I ju..just tho..thought that....I figured that Cro..Crooksha...shanks would meow back to whatever I said, so I...I said the...the most silliest thing I could think of.” Evan explained.  
“I don't know...Sounds like something someone smoking beer would say,” Jared teased.  
Evan directed his attention back to feeding the cat. Once the food had been placed on a plate, the tabby eagerly dug into the meal. At least someone was happy without his expense.

Jared would bring up, “Smoking beer,” for weeks on end. Evan's dad would even poke fun at it, asking Evan if he was “smoking beer,” whenever he messed something up. Needless to say, he heard the phrase way more than he'd like.

Eventually, it faded from everyone's memories. Years passed and now Evan was at the tail end of a week spent with a head cold. One of Jared's moms had stopped by to catch up with Heidi. Evan noticed the signs of her cold.  
“Don't worry, Hon. It's just a little sinus congestion. I'll be fine in a week.”  
“Are you sure?” Heidi asked, “At least take some Dayquil.”  
“Yeah,” Evan added, “I started getting sick on Tuesday and..and by now...I'd no...I'd be way worse at this point, but I'm actually way better!”  
“It's fine. I'd have to pick some medicine at the store and it's already pretty late. I'll take some aspirin if it gets bad.”  
“If you need day or NyQuil, I can give you mine. I only have one serving left, but it's better than nothing.” Evan turned back to his room where the box rested on his desk.  
The room went still.  
“What?” Heidi directed at him.  
“Um...I...I..think...I've g-got...I think I have one serving of medicine left,” Evan repeated.  
“One serving,” Mrs. Klienman echoed.  
“Yeah. It it it's what you take of....Tha...that's the word....right?”  
“You mean dosage, Evan,” Heidi corrected, patting him on the head. “You take dosages of medicine.”  
“Oh...” Evan slowly backed out of the head patting and dashed to his room. He dropped the box of day and NyQuil on the counter by their house guest, turned around, and rushed back to the refuge of his room. They were laughing at him, he knew it.  
“So I'm messing around on Omegle, right?” Jared was talking to him via Skype a few hours later. “And I'm just flirting it up with this chick. I figure worst case scenario she learns to be more guarded on sites like that.”  
Evan fiddled with a fidget cube as his...friend? Family friend? As Jared talked.  
“I mean, the girl legitimately wanted to talk about cats. She was relieved to talk to someone without hearing the obvious joke.”  
“What? That the cat is out of the bag?”  
“No, that she must be really into talking about pu... Don't make that face! If I have to talk to you I might as well educate you!”  
“So...Cats?”  
“Right. So she starts sharing cat photos and I tell her, 'You've got to meet my furry friend.' I didn't think I said anything weird until she glared at me, said she wasn't into that, and hung up. I was talking about my cat!”  
“Makes sense,” Evan nodded, “What else would you be talking about?”  
“A furry.”  
“A what?”  
“You know what? This is going to be like the time I tried to explain the shake-weight jokes to you. You're not going to get it and I've already corrupted you a bit today.”  
Evan took that to mean it was some sex thing and chose to be sympathetic. That's what friends do, right? “If it's any consolation, I just offered your mom a serving of cold medicine.”  
“A serving,” Jared didn't hold back his laugh. “You know they're called dosages, right?”  
“I know,” Evan groaned, “I just forgot in the moment!”  
“You forgot!” Jared snorted, “Why? You're over that cold so you should be thinking clearly. Or was something else clouding your thoughts.”  
There was that smirk. Evan considered hanging up, but then Jared would call right back and he'd feel bad and pick up then be called a wimp for not following through with leaving. So he accepted his fate.  
“Say, Evan, you didn't happen to be....smoking beer?”  
“You...You know what? See you Monday, ass...Jerk Face!”  
Evan hung up and muted his Skype. Well, at least Jared felt better.


End file.
